I sit back and listen to other females tell me about how they miss their ex-boyfriend or how they need him back in their life or how they can’t do anything without him. But also, the person they are missing is abusive, a cheater, there’s no respect and the list goes on.
I laugh and not because it’s funny but oh too many times I remember when I was that girl who desperately missed my missing puzzle piece, I felt less than, I felt I deserved this person who treated me so badly.
You know, in those moments I felt helpless, I felt like time stood still because I was waiting for this person to call me. Even if it was just to say hey, or even if it was just to argue with me, but at least he showed me that attention. Days would pass, weeks would sometimes pass and he would consume my thoughts, my mind and my everything.
Over the years, I grew as a woman, I grew as a person, I GREW. People always say you will know when you’re sick and tired of being sick and tired. Hmmmmmmmm so when would I be tired of being sick and tired? I had this question in my mind for years. It wasn’t until I had an epiphany. I asked myself: What did you do wrong, did you try to fix it, what was the outcome. I began to feel like I gave my all to this person but it just wasn’t enough, I waited until I had nothing ABSOULUTLEY nothing to give to say enough is enough.
The journey to overcoming the I MISS HIM STAGE was hard but it was powerful and it was worth it. The first Thing I had in my mind was Chontae you can do this, you just have to empower yourself to do this. I found comfort in knowing that while today Tuesday I miss him insanely, but next Tuesday I’ll miss him less, even if it was .000001 less it was still progress. Next month it will be less and in 6 months it will be even less. In the age of the IPhone I set daily calendar reminders for myself called Encouragement, and it reminded me every day of four things about myself: Be strong, remember what you want it’s ok to cry and most importantly love yourself.
I filled my time with things I enjoyed, or friends and family, I made plans alone, I made plans with family. I MADE PLANS! I created a busy life for myself to where it allowed to me to remember what life is truly about. To remember what I had before this person.
I began to think well Chontae what do you deserve? Why are you broken up with this person? Yes, there were good times but why aren’t you with this person. I finally began to put myself first and realize my needs as an individual as opposed to the other person needs are important too! As women, sometimes we nurture too much and that was me I was the readily available doormat. I didn’t want to be a doormat and I was only crying because I missed the happy moments, but none of the unhappy moments.
In love, you have to know that you deserve happiness. Of course, everyone defines happiness for themselves, however I am sure one thing we can all agree on is HAPPINESS IS NEVER SADNESS! So, it is ok to miss that person, it is ok to cry, but it is also ok for you to be happy.