Lost Child…

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I find myself thinking about that dreadful day,
It’s something you can not forgive yourself for, even after what you paid.
I’d never thought I would do it, it felt like just pretend.
That day was as real as it comes, don’t know how to make ammends.
I get to wondering how life would be,
How life would be if I had my baby to oversee.
Sometimes I regret it, Sometimes I feel I did the right thing,
Can’t help that my decision drives me insane.
I know when I am ready, I’ll appreciate my decision,
Right now it has just become a huge incision.
All I can think is what they would of been.
A boy? A girl? Can we just pretend?
If she was a girl would she have my smile? Would she have my laugh?
If she was a spitting image of me all I would do is grasp.
What if it was a boy? How would he look?
Would he be smart and tall, and keep his head in the books.
I can see my vision clearly, I know what I wanted it to be.
Just a healthy little thing that would most definitely look like me.
I made a choice because I couldnt deal with baggage,
Because I chose death does that make me a savage?
There are so many other options that would of been good,
I guess thats the selfish part of love when you don’t do what you should.
I ask for forgiveness, I seek a second chance.
I know next time I will not be in a trance.

One Reply to “Lost Child…”

  1. I really enjoyed the poem lost child. So many girls and women make the choice and never understand the constant presence you still wonder and feel for the rest of your life. Great poem because I too made that choice and 30 years later still think about the what if. My advise is to make the right choice in the moment so these choices are not the ones you have to make in the future.

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